'Divorce by Mutual Agreement' and Pastoral Implications

 The BPCIS Update is sent round to all 10 member churches every 5th Sunday of the month.

Newest member church of BPCIS, Hebron BP Church, hosted the Divorce by Mutual Agreement (DMA) Seminar jointly organised by BGST and BPCIS on 30 April 2022, 10am-1pm. Attendance by invitation brought together 33 pastors, elders and ministry leaders from the 10 BPCIS churches, as well as presenters from BGST and Bethesda (Frankel) Church. Quek Tze-Ming chaired, with 3 presenters, Kwa Kiem Kiok from BGST, Alby Yip from Zion Bishan BPC and Jonathan Cho from Bethesda (Frankel) Church.

Jonathan, a practising lawyer, took us through the legal and often painful process of divorce, highlighting where pastoral counsel could come in and be helpful. He highlighted that the divorce process is not as easy as it seems even with the DMA. The law has provided for thorough processes to ensure couples are fully aware of and prepared for the divorce.

These include pre-divorce considerations (eg mandatory counselling, children, finances, and the need to fulfil the acceptable ground(s) in order to commence divorce proceedings). Where the interim judgement is issued, couples will have to go for mandatory counselling and mediation to resolve the ancillary matters (eg custody, care & control of children, wife and child(ren) maintenance, and matrimonial assets).

Kiem Kiok explained the meaning of “therapeutic justice” introduced to the family court in 2014. The legal process need not be adversarial with only the win-lose option, but be helpful and healing to all parties.

Alby Yip, a certified mediator, shared from his experience. He urges separating couples, “Don’t walk apart but in parallel paths, for the sake of your children.”

The participants were given case studies to discuss. A few groups reported their findings, while feedback from all groups was posted on a virtual platform, Padlet, for all to read. Questions were also posted on Slido and taken up by the presenters. A number of concerns were expressed:

How do we detect marriages in trouble before it’s too late to intervene? For those under discipline for initiating divorce on non-biblical grounds, is there an end-point to the discipline? For couples needing professional help, do we have a list of recommended therapists? Could BPCIS provide guidance on discipline, divorce and remarriage so the practices of the churches can be consistent?

The three hours passed quickly and we closed with thanks to the presenters, host church and those who took care of logistics and refreshments.

Recorded by

Pastor David Wong

General Secretary, Bible-Presbyterian Church in Singapore