A Long Caregiving Journey
By Joyce Chua
How is it like to be the main caregiver for someone—and to do it for over twenty years? Joyce Chua took up that responsibility when no one came forward, to care for her sister Vivien after she suffered a stroke. Here is her story.
Tell us about yourself, your relationship with Vivien and what is she like before you took care of her?
Vivien and I were half-sisters. I am older than her by seven years. When she was five years old, I took her to Sunday School at Mount Carmel Bible-Presbyterian Church (BPC) when the church met in a shophouse at Lengkok Bahru.
Later, when she grew into an adult, she attended a Chinese church at Bukit Panjang and was baptised there. Later she decided to go to Mount Hermon BPC (a daughter church of Mount Carmel). She subsequently transferred her membership. She faithfully served in the Sunday School. She also joined the choir, as she loved to sing.
Vivien was always cheerful, bubbly in nature, making new friends easily. She worked at a Travel Agency and her friendly nature spilled into her work. In church, she helped to organise various activities, including church camps. She often brought her nieces and nephews for chalet holidays.
I remember how she planned a Hong Kong trip for my husband and me. She was a generous, happy and self-giving person. She was single and lived on her own.
What happened that led to you taking care of her?
Vivien always enjoyed eating and had been rather large in size. But she exercised, swimming and playing badminton with church friends. When she discovered she had three chronic diseases (high cholesterol, diabetes, and hypertension), she did not follow up with doctors. She disliked visiting the clinic or going to the hospital.
Both of us lived near each other, and we would go for evening walks in the nearby park. One Sunday evening while walking with her, I discovered she had slurred speech and could not speak properly. The next day, I took her to a doctor who was from her church. The doctor immediately told me to take her to Tan Tock Seng hospital with a referral letter.
She was diagnosed as suffering from a mild stroke, and was prescribed medication. The doctor noticed something about her stomach which was unusually large. He requested an investigation. She was told to lay off medication for 10 days and come back for a surgery.
On the evening of 2 December, 2002, she went in for surgery. I visited her. She could not speak and managed to utter only one or two words. Early next morning, I went to see the surgeon and was told Vivien had suffered a severe stroke during the surgery.
After six weeks of rehabilitation, nothing more could be done for her. The social worker asked for a family meeting and asked what our plans were. Sad to say, none of the family members offered to help. I sought out a nursing home in Choa Chu Kang. Thank God Vivien was admitted to the home from January 2003.
Due to her young age (she was only 46), I was informed by the Home’s Director that she could stay for only 18 months. Since no one in the family was able to help, I took the initiative to plan the next move for Vivien. I decided to sell her old flat without lift landing accessibility to acquire one with lift landing.
By God’s grace, she lived on for 10 more years with six different maids, each with different issues and problems. God is good, He provided Vivien financial help through her church and a claim from CPF Protection Scheme to tide over for 13 years. All this while, she continued to be limited in speech and mobility.
Vivien’s medical condition did not stop there. In March 2013 she underwent two operations. A cancerous gall bladder was removed with part of her liver in case the cancer had spread.
Her diabetes affected her eyes, and she was treated at the Eye Clinic of the National University Hospital (NUH).
Around 2020, as COVID came around, i was told by NUH doctor that Vivien might need dialysis for her kidney condition. I was already having many issues with maid care, and decided to see another social worker. Our God is always kind and good. He led me to another social worker, who helped Vivien to be admitted to a Home for senior citizens, also at Choa Chu Kang. This would turn out to be the last stop for Vivien.
Vivien stayed at the Home from 16 October 2013 till the Lord called her home in 13 June 2025, a period of 8 ½ years. She was 65 years old.
What challenges did you face in the process, and what lessons did you learn about caregiving?
This caregiving process took a total of 22 ½ years. I did not journey alone; my husband Malcolm helped with all the ferrying to hospital visits and gave me much support. God had been my strength and comfort in all the testings and trials. Praise my God, He was there whenever I needed wisdom in finding directions and making decisions in caring for Vivien. For the last eight years, my son Isaac and daughter-in-law Candida had also given me much support in bringing Vivien out for outings and all our birthday celebration meals.
Even my grandson Nathan since he was three years old had helped in pushing Ye-Ma Vivien in her wheelchair. I never felt taking care of Vivien was a burden, though there were challenges. This whole experience has given me great insights into caring for the unfortunate and needy.
For one, Vivien seldom if ever complained about her pains and sufferings. Losing her ability to speak must have been a big blow to her, someone cheerful, bubbly and extroverted. Struggling to speak, she could manage one or two words; “Never mind” when things were not well, “Excellent”when food was hood, and “Pray” when there were problems.
She loved her God and with her own simple gestures, she could comfort others, even the senior nurse at her nursing home (as he later testified at her wake). Indeed, the most significant thing about my journey with Vivien was that she often reached out to me and encouraged me.
In closing, let me share two things that highlight the goodness of God in Vivien’s life. First, God let Vivien live for 22½ years since her first stroke till she was called home. She never suffered another stroke.
Second, the month before she left us, we had organised a Reunion Lunch for those who were with Mount Carmel BPC during the early Lengkok Bahru days. A hundred people attended the event at Raffles Town Club. Vivien came, met, shook hands and took pictures with many old friends We did not know that was the last time many would see her. God is good to give us all the opportunity.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
Sarah Lau, now the main caregiver for her aging mother, is wife to Rev Jabez Chia who serves in the Mandarin and English services at Mount Carmel BP Church.
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