"I Will Never Be A Repeat Student"
By Sarah Lau
I struggled in my studies since Primary School. I was slow and found it hard to catch up. Since Secondary 3 and 4, I was placed in the last class in the academic year. I took my “O" level exams, and as I waited for the results, I told God, "No matter how badly I am going to fare, I will never be a repeat student.” But, as it turned out, I only had 3 "O" level passes and I failed my English. I had no choice but to repeat my O levels in school.
The year 1981 was both a humbling and a humiliating year for me. As a repeat student, I was held responsible for whatever went wrong in school. Often, the repeat students were made to stand apart from the rest of the students . We were looked down upon and we felt like outcasts.
I did not do any better as a repeat student. With only three “O” level passes, I decided to take up nursing. My inferiority complex worsened when I was made an “Enrolled Nurse” which is the lowest grade in nursing. As a dutiful daughter-in-law, she took on the ancestor worship practices of my father’s family when she married, and did so with great devotion and gusto. She deeply revered the ancestors and held on resolutely to her beliefs and practices well into her seventies.
LIFE IN NURSING
During my two years of training, I was never given an opportunity to work in special wards like the operating theatre, labour ward or ICU. I was not even given an opportunity to do simple procedures like dressings.
My work consisted mainly of bathing, cleaning, changing and feeding the patients. We were labelled “high class amah” which hurt me greatly. I lamented, “If only I got one more “O” level pass, my life would be different!”
After two years of training at Alexandra Hospital, I was posted to Singapore General Hospital - Oncology Ward. This came as a surprise - a special ward! This became the best part of my nursing career. I had the opportunity to walk with my patients through their journey with cancer. I was with them from the time of their diagnosis till they passed on.
I wanted to go further in my nursing career. I scored very well with my practical skills. But I was never given a chance to go further, all because I was short of one “O” level pass - the paper certificate.
Though I felt I was deprived of an opportunity to upgrade, the Lord comforted me in other ways. Because of my role as an Enrolled Nurse, my contact with my patients was up close and personal. They see me not only as a nurse, they see as a person, as a friend, who cares and goes beyond my duties in my profession. Looking back, that was the beginning of the healing process the Lord had for me.
NURSING IN INDIA
In May 1989, I decided explore the work of a missionary nurse. I went to Andhra Pradesh, Southern India, as a volunteer for four months. I worked with a doctor and four missionary sisters in a clinic with wooden walls, a table and two wooden chairs. These sisters had no medical qualifications. So I was regarded as a "very qualified" nurse despite my basic “Enrolled Nurse” certificate!
Even so, I learned that I did not need a certificate to serve God. All I need is an obedient heart and a pair of willing hands. There in India, without a midwife certificate, I delivered a baby with my bare hands, without any gloves! Without proper equipment and instruments in the shabby clinic, God still got His work done as the patients recovered from their wounds and ailments over the days.
I found the living environment tough, harsh and challenging. We had to draw water from the well to shower, cook and wash. There was no tap. To have chicken meat for a meal was a luxury. I ate mainly vegetables. As for transport, we could wait up to five hours for a bus. It took two hours to cycle to church on an old bicycle, up and down the rough and uneven terrain. The heat at 40-degree-Celsius made life often unbearable.
I marvelled that I survived (and even thrived) for those four months in India. What lessons have I learned?.
LESSONS LEARNED
Firstly, our identity does not depend on our achievements. I did not do well in school, ending up as a repeat student with a poor score. Neither did I do well in my nursing career, designated an “enrolled nurse” doing basic “dirty” jobs.
The world measures us by our achievements. God, however, looks at our heart. He desires a heart that is after His heart (1 Sam 13.14). For me, this truth translates into my obedient heart and a pair of willing hands. My time in India showed me that God could still use me despite my sense of inadequacy. It was also a turning point in my life.
My identity lies in how Christ sees me. I am a child of God. I don't need to strive hard to be accepted and loved by God.
Secondly, our contentment does not depend on our possessions. I have learned to be content and thankful for what I have, especially after my time in India.
“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.” Job 23:10 ESV
This is the confidence I have: God already knows the way that I take. I shall emerge stronger. The process is tough, sometimes painful. But God promises that as He has begun a good work in us, He will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6).
Sarah Lau, now the main caregiver for her aging mother, is wife to Rev Jabez Chia who serves in the Mandarin and English services at Mount Carmel BP Church.
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