Stories

Spiritual and Emotional Turmoil

Emotionally, I carried a deep sense of shame and longing due to my inability to have children, particularly for my husband, who is the only son in his family, and for his father, also an only son. Each time I experienced pain in my lower abdomen, I was overwhelmed with fear: “Am I pregnant again? Will I survive this time?” This fear stemmed from a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy I experienced in 2018, during which I suffered severe internal bleeding. While I longed for a child, I was equally terrified of death. I wanted to pray with faith, believing in God's blessings, yet deep down, I feared that my body could no longer endure the strain. It was a season of emotional turmoil.

At one point, we considered adopting a child from the Shanghai Welfare Institute. However, we learned that domestic adoptions were prioritized, and for a time during the pandemic and after, adoptions were closed to foreigners. We accepted this and, for a while, found peace in renovating our new home with only one bedroom, knowing there would only be the two of us.

When we completed the renovation for our new home, a neighbor shared with us that a relative had a child due to be born soon, and asked if we might be open to adoption through unconventional means. We sought advice from an adoption lawyer, who informed us that this could be considered abandonment if both birth parents were healthy. However, the lawyer mentioned that there might be ways around this, should we be truly determined. As we prayed for guidance, we were unsettled by the lack of clarity and the uncertainty surrounding the situation. Shortly thereafter, our neighbor came back to us with news from her hometown that the mother had intellectual challenges, and thus had decided against pursuing this adoption option.

One day, a preacher approached me and said she felt led to pray with us, believing that we would have children. I was honest with her, expressing that, at my age, I felt it was no longer the right time for us to pursue this. I couldn't understand why God had allowed such opportunities and people to cross my path, seemingly disrupting the peace I had tried to create for myself.

Healing Begins

In June 2025, a brother in Christ suffered a stroke, but within a week, he recovered completely - without even a limp! We praised God for hearing our prayers as a church community and for healing him. That Sunday, the Holy Spirit interceded for me as I poured out years of frustration, anger, shame, and silent suffering. It was then that I finally understood I could approach God’s throne of grace boldly to ask for healing - and that God truly desires for us to live whole and fulfilled lives with or without children.

That same night, I ordered medication to relieve bloating in my pelvic area. I experienced extreme abdominal pain - possibly an allergic reaction. The pain became so intense that I had no choice but to go to the hospital. God used that situation to lead me to a responsible and experienced specialist in Shanghai. Dr. Wang was not only highly competent, but also kind, gentle, and patient - qualities I had almost given up expecting in the Chinese medical system. The ovarian cyst had grown too big. Initial scans showed signs of a tumor but with clearer MR Imaging supported with results from blood tests, it was suspected to be an endometrial cyst.

The Journey Home

Praise God for His guidance and provision every step of the way. Through His grace, I was able to secure an appointment with a specialist through my insurance company, even though I had no idea how to navigate the process without Singpass in China. God provided wonderfully, using my insurance agent, who was genuinely concerned for my well-being and supported me throughout the entire journey. Even when choosing a panel doctor, I left it to God, randomly selecting a bilingual specialist with a focus on ovarian cysts, trusting that He would provide the best for me.

Just three days after arriving in Singapore in early August, I met my God-sent consultant, Dr. Goh S.M. from KKH. He graciously reviewed all my medical records, despite them all being in Chinese - and, with his expertise in endometriosis, he immediately identified that the endometrial cyst required surgical intervention. He did not ask to repeat imaging or tests, showing his confidence and compassion on my circumstance. Remarkably, just four days after our first consultation, the surgery was scheduled. Dr. Goh’s kindness, experience, and willingness to help me save both time and money were a clear reminder of God's practical and loving care in the smallest details of my life.

Even as the surgery date approached, I held onto a glimmer of hope. When Dr. Goh mentioned that they would try to preserve my ovary, I jokingly asked if they could clean the tube and maybe I could still be fertile. However, during the surgery, the team discovered that the 6cm “cyst” was actually a ballooned fallopian tube. There was no hesitation - they had to remove the tube entirely.

God's Providence

God provided for all my logistical and financial needs. Within eight days of landing in Singapore, I had seen a specialist, undergone surgery, and discharged from hospital. Amazingly, due to construction noise, my hotel renovation project was also put on hold for two months. This gave me the space to rest and recover without stress or guilt towards my co-workers. Truly, I saw God's hand in every step of this journey.

Two weeks after the procedure, I received the hospital bill. I wasn’t even sure if my insurance claim had been processed yet, as I had never used my Medisave before. Surprisingly, the bill showed a balance of $0.00 - even though both the hospital and the insurance company had previously said I would need to pay upfront and claim later. I had also been told that some of the medication I received (specifically for treating endometriosis) was categorized as contraceptive and not claimable. I had mentally prepared myself to contest the charges, but the hospital's e-filing went through without any issue. God had already taken care of everything behind the scenes.

Spiritual Healing

A sermon preached by my pastor, Rev Bob Phee, in August helped me to relate to the woman in the Bible who bled for twelve years, God reached out and healed me - beyond what I even knew to ask for. He didn’t just restore my physical body, but also brought healing to our emotional pain and spiritual weariness.

Like the man who sat crippled at the temple gate, I had asked only for relief and enough grace to survive - but God gave full restoration to my soul. Praise God, for He is truly worthy of all our praise! Although I am now going through menopause much earlier than expected, I am grateful that all the harmful things in my body have been removed. I feel such immense relief and peace.

Each of us will face different struggles. As we age, we may lose parts of our bodies or experience the decline of certain functions. Some of us feel like outcasts - rejected, because of things we've done, or how we look. Most of us have unfulfilled dreams. Some may look fine on the outside but battle mental or emotional burdens. There will be seasons when it feels like God has turned His face away. But I encourage you to trust in the unfailing love of God.

Isaiah 54 speaks deeply to those who feel forsaken and assures them of the restoration and blessings which God gives!

“Sing, O childless woman, you who have never given birth!
Break into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem, you who have never been in labor.
For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband,”
says the Lord.

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood.

“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear
but even then my faithful love for you will remain.
My covenant of blessing will never be broken,”
says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

Jodi Chen, a member of Herald Bible-Presbyterian Church, works as an Interior Designer. She is married to Sam Yang, a Chinese national. Both of them have been living in Shanghai since 2013.